Sunday, 8 April 2012

3 days before surgery

In three days I'm about to go through a fat transfer procedure, moving fat from my thighs and waist to my breasts. After 15 years of wanting larger breasts and smaller thighs, but being unwilling to implant any foreign objects or inject macrolane into my body, I've landed on this two-in-one solution to my combination of body issues. I feel as if I'm at my comfort weight and I've never been a yo yo dieter, I'm just a regular girl with a regular job and a regular life. I'm not in fashion, music, media or any other industry that might be perceived as putting more pressure on looking a certain way than others, so this is a surgery I'm doing entirely for myself.

I've never been a large girl, in fact I was always teased for being too skinny as a child. Doctors even used to worry that I had an eating disorder, but I was just naturally thin with a fast metabolism and too much to see and explore to sit and eat all day. Now I'm 34 years old, I'm 167cm tall, and today I weigh 57 kg. I wear sizes 6-8 and in no way do I have an issue with my size, it's more about my shape. Until about a year ago I weighed 52 kg and while my weight has been fairly stable since the age of 20, in recent years it's become harder to stay at this weight, which I felt I had to do to remain a shape I felt the least bothered about. As with so many women, when I accumulate fat it goes to the thighs first, then the waist, but never to the breasts; keeping them at a static small A cup regardless of my weight.

Whether I tried to stay at 52 kg or let my weight relax into today's 57 kg, I was always bothered by the same shape-issues: I felt my thighs were too big and my breasts too small, and I feel disproportionate to myself in some way, as I if can see the shape I wish I were underneath my skin, and I'm close to it but yet so far. I'm not willing to try to weigh 52 kg anymore - while it did make my thighs slimmer over all I still had the saddlebags, even smaller breasts than now, and it made my face look very gaunt. Weighing less didn't make me feel good or look very healthy, so I've embraced my new comfort weight of 57 kg, and decided to pursue surgery in order to gain some body confidence after 15 years of failing to gain it any other way.

I have a loving and supportive partner and I've always had positive feedback on attractiveness from other people, but I've never been proud of my body or felt good about showing it to anyone. I've tried various ways of overcoming my insecurities, I actually modeled in the nude for a drawing class full of strangers for a while, but still to this day the thought of wearing a bikini on the beach even around friends and family fills me with dread. I'm tired of the constant mind battles just to feel ok in a pretty dress or a pair of slim fitting trousers, so after a lot of thought I've decided to do something about it. I'm a grown woman now and if I want to feel better about myself I will do something about it. Surgery might help, it might not, but it's an option I now want to explore.

My surgeon is Dr. Gupta of The Private Clinic. At my consultation he was at first not sure if there would be much fat to take out, but once I showed him my bulky areas he felt confident that we'd get a good result. As for my breasts, there is not a huge amount of room underneath the skin but he thought we should be able to go up by a cup size, which is fine by me! He did however stress that I'd have to think of this as a liposuction surgery first and foremost, and that any increase in breast size should be considered a bonus, since the lasting result from this is the slightly more unpredictable part. He was very thorough and explained all the pros and cons, risks and complications, neither trying to dissuade or persuade me. I felt like he was very upfront and honest about what I could expect, and I didn't feel like I was being given the hard sell at all. I genuinely took all the info as helpful points to consider while making up my mind, but having done a lot of research already I'd decided this was right for me and I booked my surgery there and then!

Dr. Gupta will start by taking fat from my outer thighs and hips, later he'll do my inner thighs, then after some weeks the tummy and front of thighs. He feels he'll get the most fat from my outer thighs/saddlebags and hips, so these are the areas of fat that will be transferred. We might transfer more once we do tummy and front of thighs, if I decide I want to and he considers it feasible. In a series of pictures I'll document the process, starting with my measurements and the 'before' pictures. (I'm no photographer so I apologize for the poor quality.)

3 days before surgery

3 days before surgery

3 days before surgery

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